The following is nothing but a ridiculous look at the 1993 PC game Sim City. Take with the joy it is presented. Everything in these serious series of articles happened...after a fact.
In 1994. In Sim City 2000. Whilst listening to the Mortal Kombat soundtrack on constant repeat.
In 1994. In Sim City 2000. Whilst listening to the Mortal Kombat soundtrack on constant repeat.
How does a successful city build a prison? Would it possibly make in in the depths of the city? Or, possibly, create a large amount of free land with nothing for possible escapees to hide behind?
Or maybe, as in the case of Dagon City, combine a prison with vast amounts of Nuclear power.
Mayor Jackson decreed that prisons should work akin to a hamster in a wheel, and created actual wheels to power the city. Why he decided to fill the land around it with no less than 8 Nuclear Power Stations, 4 Coal Stations and a park is anyone's guess. Jackson said on multiple occasions that the park was for the Prisoners to look at whilst running around the giant wheels. Jackson looked upon his achievement, his prison power grid, and was pleased. So pleased in fact, he scoffed at the constant questioning of “What is it powering when it's surrounded by power stations?”
The answer was simple, and came to the fore after a few months. In 1971, after years of questions and wondering, a pair of simple technicians discovered that the prison was not connected to the city grid. Cables ran from relay station to relay station to a giant battery that lay under the city centre. A battery that connected to one thing.
The Dagon City Christmas tree.
Jackson held his hands up, saying that the tree was a drain on the grid each festive time, as any light covered Giant Redwood would be! The miles and miles of bulbs, angels, captured seagulls and men with beards and hats took up so much power that it could only be charged by Parkview Prison. And the populace agreed, saying this was a good thing, and never questioned why twice a month, shadowy figures would come to change the battery for a empty one, usually before the Alien Robot Orb came for it's twice-a-year abductions of the innocent from their bedrooms.
And so, life continued in as normal, until 1983, where disaster struck Dagon City! A whirling horror made of wind and anger swept through the area.... the area being a 9 mile radius that contained only the power stations and the prison. Thankfully, by 1989, when power was finally turned back on and all the escaped super-powered and now mutated criminals recaptured, life returned for a short time.
Until 1991....when came The Neon Menace.
Or maybe, as in the case of Dagon City, combine a prison with vast amounts of Nuclear power.
Mayor Jackson decreed that prisons should work akin to a hamster in a wheel, and created actual wheels to power the city. Why he decided to fill the land around it with no less than 8 Nuclear Power Stations, 4 Coal Stations and a park is anyone's guess. Jackson said on multiple occasions that the park was for the Prisoners to look at whilst running around the giant wheels. Jackson looked upon his achievement, his prison power grid, and was pleased. So pleased in fact, he scoffed at the constant questioning of “What is it powering when it's surrounded by power stations?”
The answer was simple, and came to the fore after a few months. In 1971, after years of questions and wondering, a pair of simple technicians discovered that the prison was not connected to the city grid. Cables ran from relay station to relay station to a giant battery that lay under the city centre. A battery that connected to one thing.
The Dagon City Christmas tree.
Jackson held his hands up, saying that the tree was a drain on the grid each festive time, as any light covered Giant Redwood would be! The miles and miles of bulbs, angels, captured seagulls and men with beards and hats took up so much power that it could only be charged by Parkview Prison. And the populace agreed, saying this was a good thing, and never questioned why twice a month, shadowy figures would come to change the battery for a empty one, usually before the Alien Robot Orb came for it's twice-a-year abductions of the innocent from their bedrooms.
And so, life continued in as normal, until 1983, where disaster struck Dagon City! A whirling horror made of wind and anger swept through the area.... the area being a 9 mile radius that contained only the power stations and the prison. Thankfully, by 1989, when power was finally turned back on and all the escaped super-powered and now mutated criminals recaptured, life returned for a short time.
Until 1991....when came The Neon Menace.
 | Adam "Gruffy" Nicol is the High Lord Protector of the Old Oilhouse, and has screamed at things not working right with it since the day it was born. His knowledge and love of 90's tat and pop culture borders on the worryingly psychotic.... |
