 | MOON 44 - (1990) There are bad movies out there. There are some truly awful pieces of celluloid in existence. The fact that these things keep getting produced shows that someone, somewhere, is watching them. Paul ‘Logan Blaze’ Anderson is one such person, who tends to find something ANYTHING of merit in some of the most despised pieces of film history. Except Picnic at Hanging Rock. Never bring up Picnic at Hanging Rock....... Join Logan as he tries to convince you that a questionable film deserves some attention. Yes, Logan Blaze is……. The Bad Movie Apologist |
Pop quiz hot shot...what do you do when a hoard of robot fighter drones try to hijack your shipment of space coal on the outer arm of the galaxy? The answer is of course draft in a team of convicts, pair them up with a group of snotty uber-hackers, and get them to fly a squadron of mini Blue Thunder attack choppers. OF COURSE! Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to the sunny and hospitable Moon 44.
 | In 1990, director and co-writer Roland Emmerich took audiences to 2038 were an energy-hungry Earth is looking to the stars to keep their ipads powered and their cappuccino machines chugging.Of course, future versions of BP and Shell are calling all the shots. One such mega-corp, Galactic Mining (the Ronseal of space such companies) has been having problems with competitors using robotic |
pirates to steal their cargos. As is the case in many of these future dystopias, hostile takeovers are...well...hostile. Galactic Mining is facing a fatal boardroom shakeup and it looks like it is being pulled down by an inside agent helping the pirates from the Pyrite Defense Company. Yes. Pyrite. A little on the nose yes?
To catch this insidious mole, enter undercover cop Felix Stone (Michael Pare), who is sent to Galactic’s last mining outpost, the titular Moon 44. This is where the aforementioned convicts and computer geeks come in. The only defence for Moon 44 is the fleet of futuristic helicopters which need the pilot to be guided through the hostile environment and canyons of Moon 44 by navigators back at home base. The convicts are expendable and the navigators are cheap so its all good. Things are going to work out fine.
| They really won'y... Stone - who is hard so in this universe, he NEEDS to be called Stone - may be savy but he is no keyboard jockey, so he enters Moon 44 with the convicts. He may be a tough nut, but he is also a sensitive soul. We know this because he is literate and wears small glasses when he reads. This film really pushes the boundaries of characterisation. Oh yes sir, no broad brush generalisations here. This, of |  |
course, ingratiates him with the toughest nut among the convicts, O'Neal played by the man mountain, Brian Thompson. Breaking with the naming convention of the rest of the film, O’Neal is not Irish and he does not spend all the time on his knees. This is a major disappointment as a celtic accent from Mr Thompson would be close to heavenly. I imagine it would sound as good as Christopher Lambert’s Scottish accent
The only man who knows Stone is undercover is his navigator partner, Tyler. Enter Dean Devlin. Yes THAT Dean Devlin. Before he put pen to paper and helped bring Mr Emmerich’s Star Gate and Independence Day to the screen, Mr Devlin was an actor. Here, he helps Stone stay alive during the training phase of the film while also giving his own theory on how the mole is operating, To be honest, Tyler has done the leg work and all Stone does is look all menacing and make the obviously dodgy Master Sergeant Sykes sweat even more. Seriously, Sykes - played by serial sleeze bag Leon Rippy - is a walking advertisement for anti-perspirant. Of course,it soon becomes clear that Sykes is not the mastermind behind the insider dealing. No. The main mole is the mining stations main director and he reveals himself through one simple slip: Malcolm McDowell.
Ever since Mr McDowell helped kill an innocent homeowner with a huge artistic penis he has not been able to shift that air of sinister menace. Of course, he hides his tracks well, killing Sykes as he attacks Stone after he finds him messing with the mining shuttles sat nav. However, the ruse does not last long. You can even see Stone thinking “but that's Malcolm McDowell! he MUST be dodgy”.
The master plan is to mess with the satnavs on all the cargo shuttles home, sending them to the pirates...sorry Pyrates...instead of back to Earth. On all the other bases where this has been done, the attack drones swarm in to bury the evidence. Of course, on this base we have the crack team of….oh bugger. Well in good 90’s action film tradition, once the conspiracy is uncovered and Stone deals with McDowell in suitable explosive fashion, the convicts and navigators rally to save themselves from the incoming drones. A sacrifice has to be made and while Stone would be the obvious narrative choice the film-makers obviously felt Pare was too pretty to die. I have to agree, As such, O'Neil holds the drones off while the rest of the team escape in the last shuttle. The villain dies a hero's death.
The master plan is to mess with the satnavs on all the cargo shuttles home, sending them to the pirates...sorry Pyrates...instead of back to Earth. On all the other bases where this has been done, the attack drones swarm in to bury the evidence. Of course, on this base we have the crack team of….oh bugger. Well in good 90’s action film tradition, once the conspiracy is uncovered and Stone deals with McDowell in suitable explosive fashion, the convicts and navigators rally to save themselves from the incoming drones. A sacrifice has to be made and while Stone would be the obvious narrative choice the film-makers obviously felt Pare was too pretty to die. I have to agree, As such, O'Neil holds the drones off while the rest of the team escape in the last shuttle. The villain dies a hero's death.
The epilogue has Stone sticking it it the man after the company directors show no concern for the lost lives on Moon 44. Stone refuses to tell the executives where the shuttles that have been hijacked were sent, leaving them to cry into their cold cappuccinos. Seriously, have you ever noticed how many of the corporate scumbags in the 90’s seemed liked they were time travelling yuppies from the 80’s?
THE BAD
OK, the character’s are so clichéd that they could almost be the archetypes of their kind, and the naming of companies and people can make you cringe. The plot itself is equally generic, with few surprises and it borrows elements from many of the main sci-fi hits around it in look, style and plot points. This could easily be a sequel to Sean Connery’s High Noon in Space opus, Outland, and the combination of gritty space mining, combat and anti-heroes is cut from the same cloth as Aliens and Blade Runner. Meanwhile, the special effects appeared dated even at the time, not looking out of place for a Roger Corman film from a decade before.
THE GOOD
The practical effects….Okay, they may LOOK cheap, but they still have the solid feel you get with practical effects. The models themselves, when they can be seen in the foggy atmosphere of Moon 44, look gorgeous. They remind me of some of the better set pieces of Alien and prove that practical effects can still pay off. Indeed, the combat scenes reminded me of something which gave it an automatic upgrade - they looked at times like Star Fleet!
Beyond the effects, and the while there is a vast majority of stock characters, two stand out which have not been mentioned. First, we have Stephen Geofferys play the irrepressible Cookie, the navigators’ resident drug dealer. Fright Night’s Evil Ed has so much fun with this role, grinning manically as he peddles his wares. While you condemn his actions, you can’t help but feel drawn to his character. It helps that he uses his stock as a weapon against the more evil convicts, but it is the end which really makes him shine. O'Neil needs a navigator and Cookie steps up, helping him even as he gets a girder through the abdomen as Moon 44 falls apart around him. Both him and O’Neal are damaged, seeking redemption and both find it. That’s not your standard fare for this type of film beyond the lead characters.
OK, the character’s are so clichéd that they could almost be the archetypes of their kind, and the naming of companies and people can make you cringe. The plot itself is equally generic, with few surprises and it borrows elements from many of the main sci-fi hits around it in look, style and plot points. This could easily be a sequel to Sean Connery’s High Noon in Space opus, Outland, and the combination of gritty space mining, combat and anti-heroes is cut from the same cloth as Aliens and Blade Runner. Meanwhile, the special effects appeared dated even at the time, not looking out of place for a Roger Corman film from a decade before.
THE GOOD
The practical effects….Okay, they may LOOK cheap, but they still have the solid feel you get with practical effects. The models themselves, when they can be seen in the foggy atmosphere of Moon 44, look gorgeous. They remind me of some of the better set pieces of Alien and prove that practical effects can still pay off. Indeed, the combat scenes reminded me of something which gave it an automatic upgrade - they looked at times like Star Fleet!
Beyond the effects, and the while there is a vast majority of stock characters, two stand out which have not been mentioned. First, we have Stephen Geofferys play the irrepressible Cookie, the navigators’ resident drug dealer. Fright Night’s Evil Ed has so much fun with this role, grinning manically as he peddles his wares. While you condemn his actions, you can’t help but feel drawn to his character. It helps that he uses his stock as a weapon against the more evil convicts, but it is the end which really makes him shine. O'Neil needs a navigator and Cookie steps up, helping him even as he gets a girder through the abdomen as Moon 44 falls apart around him. Both him and O’Neal are damaged, seeking redemption and both find it. That’s not your standard fare for this type of film beyond the lead characters.
Finally we have Marc, played by Mehmet Yilmaz in what - according to IMDB - is his first film role. If that is the case, he comes out of the gate shooting. Playing the timid navigator picked on the most by the convicts, especially the sadistic Scooter. Eventually, Scooter rapes Marc in the shower in a powerful scene. Both in how it is shot, but also how we at first feel the other convicts are joining in then we realise that Scooter is the worst of the worst as the others turn their back on him and one actively urges him to not push it this far. Crucially, they do not stop him. It leaves an unpleasant ambiguous taste in your mouth. Marc is left a quivering wreck to be discovered by Tyler. Devlin’s reactions are heartfelt and show the fellow has some chops himself, but all eyes remain on Marc who goes through the next few minutes looking like a broken shell. That is until in the next training scene when he is partnered with Scooter, who goads him to allow the helicopter to go faster. From the moment we see Marc’s reaction, we can see the end game. Part of you wants it to happen - part of you knows two wrongs don’t make a right. Marc pushes the helicopter faster and faster, with Scooter screaming at him to slow down, until he finally careens into a rock face.
Vengeance is served, but unlike many other action films of the time, vengeance is not seen as the final act - it has repercussions. Marc is thrown directly in the brig and he ultimately hangs himself. Tyler finds him and his reactions again highlight that I wish this fellow had done more acting - although then we would not have Kurt Russell doing a quadrillion air miles through the Star Gate. The whole gay rape plot line simultaneously feels out of place and seamless in the film, but it also provides a full character arc for Marc, something which many others lack.
| SCORE - 3 out of 5 Air Wolf clones |  |
 | Paul "Logan Blaze" "Sugar Bear" Anderson has mined the best and worst of geekery for many years. He hosted Shut Up and Watch This, has worked for the Nerdsphere Network, and been a regular on The Underbase podcasts and owns more truly strange movies than you or I could ever do. He is also the single greatest man bear pimp to have walked the planet. |
